my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
