Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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