The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
