Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
