Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
