Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
