Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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