You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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