mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
