the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
