my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
