Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
