ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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