Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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