when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
