lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
