Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
