Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
