I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza