had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.