hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
