That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
