this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.