I think about you every night.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.