sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.