Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
BRING THE BAGELS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
