Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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