Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
