I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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