John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
