OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
