ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
