I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
