I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
