is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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