Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
