People in love make me want to vomit
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
