Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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