I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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