I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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