Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
