am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I checked into jail on foursquare
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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