We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
