I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
