dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
