That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
