you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
