around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
