Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
