my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
