i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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