My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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