It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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