That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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