Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm both gender and math confused
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
