I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
