That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
