Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
