Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
