Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
