I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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