when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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