It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
