you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
