I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
