the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
