I just saw a hot homeless man
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
