Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
