i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
