Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize