i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
