At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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