so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
