had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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