Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
