ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
