I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
