just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
