I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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