I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
