she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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