she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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