She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
