i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
