i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
