I CAN MOONWALK!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
