i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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